Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
