Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
