she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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