why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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