mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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