I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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