I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
