my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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