My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
