Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were destined to go to rehab together
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
