things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The struggles of a small town man whore
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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