I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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