I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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