im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
