dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
