that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
