Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
