sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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