Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
