Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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