We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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