I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
