Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
