I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
