Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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