Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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