i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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