You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
