Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
