I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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