I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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