A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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