I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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