She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
