i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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