Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
