i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
