Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
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I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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