We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
