i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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