Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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