i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
