WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
