Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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