8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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