Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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