things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just invented taco cereal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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