I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
