then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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