and you said cock pushups were impossible
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
