Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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