Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
