I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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