I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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