Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
