Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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