I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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