I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
