yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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