You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
