Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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