Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and she was petting her beer can
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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