Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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