everyone is single if you try hard enough
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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