i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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