Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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Naked. naked and bneed help.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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