I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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