Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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