Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
