She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
