Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
