I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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