Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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