I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
