May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
