Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
