ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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