i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
