I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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