oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
