If i come over, it means nothing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
