Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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