i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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