Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
