Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
